Alone...or Lonely

For my holidays this year, I decided, not without apprehension, that I would travel alone to visit my friends who live in the Maritimes. It’s a good two days drive from home. I have never done something like this before – oh I had been the sole driver to Florida with my husband in the car but in my book that wasn’t driving alone. I prepared well in advance, made myself some lists, bought a GPS and learned how to program it, packed everything carefully, bought a car fridge to keep my water…cold and made some motel reservations at estimated place of arrival for the first night, etc. In summary, I tried to think and foresee everything as much as I could. What I didn’t count on were the surprises that one meets along the way; the impromptu visit to my 84 year old aunt in Quebec City, who fed me supper, kept me for the night and prepared me breakfast the next morning – just as good as a Comfort Inn – even better I had wonderful company…so much for the motel reservation…; the group of bikers who stopped to take pictures, right beside where I stopped to take pictures and we ended up talking for an hour about the road conditions and other exciting nothings – all the guys, five of them, were from the Eastern Townships area; the man who made the remark about my hair being red because of all the sun and because I looked at him sideways, he said: “hey, don’t kill me, it just happens that I love red heads… And that is not mentioning the conversation I had with the sculptor who explained to me how he carefully chooses his pieces of wood with the right grain , the right color, etc. and ended up by telling me that he had lost his wife to cancer two years before; or the little old ladies who sell their crafts at garage sales; or the guy who accepted to share his shady picnic table in a rest area; or yet again, the couple from Ontario who sat at the table next to me for dinner and who kept me entertained during the whole meal and with whom I shared a bottler of wine. Are you beginning to see that I had a wonderful drive?

You see, in the weeks prior to leaving for this trip I had been complaining that I was lonely and alone – not making a difference between the two. I began realizing that alone is when you actually have nobody around you. Feeling lonely is more of a mindset. You can feel lonely even if you are surrounded by tons of family and friends. Not everyone who is lonely is alone, and not everyone who is alone is lonely.

Lonely means you are forced to be alone, whereas you can choose to be alone, and it's quite different. Everybody can have company with one's Self, with the divine within. You can talk with the 'still small voice within.' But not everyone can do that at first. They need to have company with people, somebody to share with. When they share, their burden is lessened. They feel comfortable, so they are not lonely. But it is not the ultimate solution. Relationships also can create dependency. It is a temporary relief from loneliness. There is also company with what I call higher consciousness – my higher self. I can communicate with that and myindividual mind talks to my higher mind.... Nobody is actually truly isolated. We have company within us. We don't realize it. This is what I call ignorance of one's own Self.... I enjoy being by myself, and I enjoy being around other people but I no longer depend on other people being around for my happiness."

Another thing I realized is that society expects you to be two – they expect a couple - two at the restaurant…two in a motel room – and when I tell them that I’m alone, they look at me as if I’m in lack of something. I was having dinner in some kind of a bar, on the way back and as I sat there eating I noticed that people were staring. I then realized that it was not the first time that when I eat alone people would stare. I don't see anything wrong with eating alone, but what do you think? Why do people think it is so peculiar to be sitting alone in a restaurant? I’m thinking that it’s good for me to go out and not care what people think. I’m proud that I get up the courage to go eat out alone. Who cares what people think? And at least I go and show them that I can eat alone. I don't need somebody to eat with. I am confident enough to eat alone. I’ve watched other people eat alone but they talk to other people on their cell phones because they can't be alone. I find that waiters and waitresses tend to take extra care of people who eat alone – that’s very thoughtful of them.

Being alone is usually chosen, while being lonely is missing someone or something, and longing to fill that absence. Being lonely is emptiness inside that can be felt in a room full of people. I really like being alone sometimes because I can usually find things to do... but don’t get me wrong here, I would still like to have a Special Someone to be with, I do get Lonely for a Hug and not from Family or Friends. I mean from a person of the opposite sex that I would be attracted to. I am in my sixties and still like the same things I did when I was 18 years old... Love and affection, hugs and kisses and all the rest....



Being alone is by one's own choice, being lonely is not by choice!!!!

With lots of hugs,

Mamie Lucie